I've hit one.
Big time.
I had been chugging along quite nicely in my classes. Getting assignments done. Staying motivated. Feeling worthwhile.
That changed last night.
We had an optional meeting to discuss our work on our final presentations for the Special Libraries class.
I thought my topic was on a good enough path to eventually turn into something. We went around the table and our professor brought up our topics one by one. Everyone before me was able to get to a more clear direction than they were at before with help from her and the others at the table.
Then it was my turn.
And ... nothing.
Neither she nor anyone else could figure out how to "stick out the chin" more on my idea and make it something someone would be interested to learn about. My struggle in coming up with a clearer definition of what direction I wanted to go in prompted a girl in my class to say "Do you work in a library?" When I answered no she followed with "Can you go hang out in one?"
Apparently I sounded so dumb last night that it wasn't even obvious that I'd ever been to a library in my entire life. Needless to say, there were some tears on my way home last night.
So now I've reached the point where this tiny part of me thinks if I just throw in the entire grad school towel right now it wouldn't be such a horrible thing. At least I won't have to suffer through any more nights like last night. But a bigger part of me knows that I just need to shape up, think longer, work harder and face the challenges. Though, it's a pretty tough thing to do when you're made to feel like you don't belong at all.
6 comments:
Melanie, do NOT! I repeat DO NOT! Give up and give in. I have moments like this all the time. In class, I say a lot of silly things that get a lot of silly looks. We all do. It has to happen. It helps knock us down so we can get back up and KICK ASS. I know you're capable, and you're a freaking brilliant person.
Don't let it get to you. Just keep plugging. And if you need to run anything by anyone, you know, I live in a library :)
I'm really curious what your topic was to garner this much confusion from your peers. Sorry this had to happen; surely, you'll get a better paper out of it, and ultimately, a better school experience, for having been challenged. :)
Thanks for the encouragement, Chavi. I will keep that in mind. :)
Beth, my initial idea was to focus on how libraries should market new technologies to young adults age 17-21 so that they acquire and retain more patrons that age. In my experience, even though I was in school during those ages, I didn't go to the libraries much and the same holds true for a lot of people I know. I feel it's an age group that many public libraries don't reach out to. But ... apparently not many agreed with me.
That sounds like a really interesting topic to me! I'd check out http://www.pewinternet.org/ for some source material. I think you're on a good track; maybe that girl was just PMSing? ;) Or, do you have a new idea now?
Let me know if you need any suggestions for tweaking it/proofing the rough draft, etc. I'd be glad to help. :D
Sorry Tuesday didn't work out; I had a sick day on Monday, a cold that (still) just won't die. Ugh. Hope you had fun in MN!
Thanks for that link! I think that will be really useful. I've got a meeting with just my professors tomorrow to go over my idea a little more to see if I can get on a track they approve of, I guess. Thanks for offering to help with my draft, too! I'll let you know. No problem about Tuesday. I went to MIA for a little bit and left town around noon so that I wouldn't be getting into town to late that night. Sorry to hear about your cold. Hope it goes away soon!
-Really?!? Someone actually had the nerve to ask you such a question. I know you know you're an intelligent person Mel. You just have an idea that no one has really put thought into. You'll get it. I know. Even though I'm not in grad school studying Food History, I still want to get my thesis out there somehow and in someway. You better not give up!
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